Fell off hard

I fell off hard!! Very hard and I can't understand why I can't get the motivation back, every week, I say "for real this week is the week", and then I crash and burn. Its a constant, constant battle, every single day I think about my weight - there is not one day that goes by that I'm not thinking about it. Something must be done, I saw some pictures of me today and I HATED the way I looked, hated it! Will that add fuel to my fire?? Not being able to wear my clothes or feeling fat, and tired and unmotivated have not fueled it - maybe those pictures were just the key. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!

WOE is me!

This year I decided to really be more conscious of my health by watching what I eat and exercising more. In particular I really wanted to throw myself into my yoga practice completely; mind, body and spirit. In doing that even if I don't go to yoga on a particular day I try to read something each day about Bikram. A few weeks ago,I came across a quote that didn't completely make sense to me. "Thinking is suffering." Well who knew skipping yoga last night would allow me to fully understand. I wanted to get my apartment clean and pick up a few items so I did that in place of going to yoga like I should have. While at the store I decided I need to get a scale to begin tracking my weight loss. After locating the scales in the store I did a little "try before I buy" and I was devastated at the reading. Now granted I haven't stepped on one in a long time. Even when I go to the doctor I don't look or ask them not to tell me. Following the scene at the store, I couldn't even purchase that dag gone scale. I immediately bolted out of the store. The whole way home I just kept having all these negative thoughts about being morbidly obese and even considering the gastric bypass! It got to the point that the thoughts began to overwhelm me and I kept adjusting the radio in attempt to drown them out! While Jay-Z's "On the Next" was blasting in my car, it came to me that thinking is suffering! And hatha yoga gives you that mental break to focus on yourself in a positive way. For those hellatious 90 minutes all you can do is focus on what is going on in that moment or risk falling out of your pose. By the last cevasana you are totally and completely relaxed. However, even with all the progress I have made over that last month or so I pretty much allowed my thoughts to wipe that all away. Well to sum it up, I will not skip anymore yoga classes (for multiple reasons)! LOL!

The Weekend

soooo come to find out that HEAVY bloating was due to the new bc pills I was prescribed! Im soo done with those things - maybe I should go back to the shot, I had no problems with that! Anyway, so the heavy bloating, now comes the period (because I stopped) taking the pills, just destined not to lose any weight.
Sat. I studied and cleaned up ALL DAY - ended up only eating wings
Sun. - Had a nice breakfast, biscuit and grits included AND had pizza and a salad for dinner! I have come to the conclusion it may be better if I tackle the no carbs challenge during the week and eat what I want on the weekends, actually that may be just a good way to do it for good. We will see - Im off to the gym! Yes finally some motivation!

Weekend Update!

Well, so much for easy breezy! LOL! I should have known not to even say something like that. On Friday morning, I woke up to my God awful period! Now even though the cramps were not as severe as they normally are (thanks to yoga), I was feeling BLAH! I just could not get in sync and I was craving everything under the sun! I didn't end up eating anything until about 3:00 and I completely blew off yoga on a day I needed it most. The good news is I kept to the diet. On Saturday I made it yoga early in the day and ate well. By the late evening I traveled down to my local liquor store and decided I would completely omit dinner and replace with a cocktail or 2. I ended up drinking more vodka than I can even remember! By Sunday, I woke up nursing a hangover but I pulled it together and had a lil breakfast and went to yoga! By evening time I was feeling like a deserved a little something sweet for all the water I am drinking and for keeping up with regular excercise (unlike my poor excuse for a yoga partner, lol)! So I had 4 teaspoons of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. My theory was that as long as it was in moderation it was okay... We will see how the rest of the week goes. Good luck chicas on week 2!

Day 4

Im getting very unmotivated - I have been eating all the right foods, but to no avail I have been retaining water like CRAZY!! Looks like Im 4 mos. pregnant, Ive worked out with the "sweat belly band" drank lots of water, drank the detox tea.. and nothing is working... this is bothering me.

Days 3 & 4

Pretty uneventful days for me. On Day 3 I was still craving pancakes and all things bread but I was fine today. I think my biggest problem has been not pre-planning enough with my snacks. Thank goodness for the trail mix yesterday and the lunchable today. This weekend I am going to stock up on the snacks. I feel like that orange puppet monster (Hungry) from the Weight Watcher commercial just chases me around after lunch!!! I am actually feeling like I will breeze through the next week of this challenge...we will see.

Day 3

It was destined for me to start this day off terrible. I had no time to boil an egg, or make turkey bacon, I was up and out. Boom so no breakfast! The only thing I could have that was in the office was COFFEE - ooops I did it again! But hell I had no breakfast. So lunch comes, I do ok, hot wings and a small (very small) side salad from Dominos. Here's where it becomes a HOT AZZ MESS. I am pretty sure that I will die, if I dont get anything to snack on for the remainder of the work day, so I head out to the Fresh Market, I get trail mix and cashews! Sounds good right.. well I ate ALL OF THEM! The only that saved me was that it was all "bulk" food and I probably only had a 1/4 cup of each or maybe a half! LOL. Hours past in the office Im still hungry and what do I grab?? COFFEE again- thats TWO cups in a day ( I rarely do that) but what do you do?? I go home, workout, and realize i have only cheese and fruit from 2 weeks ago in my refrigerator (but I also have weight watcher ice cream bars, oreo, chips ahoy and white yogurt pretzel 100 Calorie snacks, Vanilla Bean ice cream, granola, and cinnamon raisin bread) all shit I cant eat. Im STARVING.. please pray for me as it is now 11pm and I am STARVING.